in Gubatron, Random Stuff

Anal Complains

It doesn’t matter how you live, even if you get to a better stage in live, you’ll always find things to complain about.

There are many things I complain about everyday, but I never tell anyone, cause it might not be that important, I probably won’t die cause of these things I’m about to write about, but they add grams of stress to my everyday. I guess we just need to complain.

I call this post, ‘Anal Complains’, not beacuse they have to do with my ass, but I heard that humor like Seinfeld, is what they call Anal Humor, so maybe you’ll find something funny on the following complains I have about my life here in Jersey City, and the little things I hate when I go to work, or roam around the city.

The Office Elevator.
Even though our building has 3 elevators and it’s only 11 floors (which 10 and 11 belong to our company), these elevators are meant to add all of us a few grams of stress and adding up all the minutes I loose a year on these things, I’m probably loosing bout a day or two of my life in them.

When you take the elevator on the ground level, it takes about 12-18 seconds to close (can’t remember, but it’s a lot), people that don’t work in the building hit the Close Door buttons and look at you as if you had no brain. Then when the elevator is about to close, two or three chinese old women come inside the elevator (yes, this happens almost everyday). Then they press the 2nd floor button, which is only one flight up, so they make you waste your time (this can happen many times if you go out for lunch, since there’s some sort of immigration lawyers for the chinese on the 2nd floor, TAKE THE FUCKING STAIRS).

So that’s almost a minute wasted there, then, in like 7 out of 10 trips I take, the elevator always stops on the 4th or 5th floor, some law offices seem to have their shit in the 6th floor so they make you stop twice. (This also happens on the way down, even though there’s 3 elevators), so that’s like another minute lost right there. Sum it all up, it’s like 3 minutes plus the time to get to the 10th floor if you’re lucky enough to have an empty elevator, if not, it will stop many times to drop off people, it sucks.

So say I waste 5 minutes, plus like 4 on the way to lunch, then 3 more when coming back, then 3-5 more when I get out of the office depending on what time I leave, that’s like 15minutes everyday on the freaking elevator. 15 times 5 days a week, make it 4 weeks a month, that’s about 300 minuntes, times 11 months (taking out vacations), 3300 minutes a year.

3300/60 = 55 hours /24 = 2.29 days!!! MOTHERFUCKER!. I could spend that time fucking or sleeping, not on the freaking elevator being ignored by the security guard that never watches the monitors.

So far, I haven’t found a solution to this, I guess I’d be willing to pay $100 to whoever tells me the hack to make it close right away and take an express ride.

They should have elevators programmed only to work on certain floor ranges.

I’m starving several times a week because I don’t know what to eat. I would say I hate food in this country, or maybe it’s me living by myself and I’m too lazy. Back at home, I didn’t need to think about what I was going to eat, there was always great food that I loved available 3 times a day.

So let’s put an example. Since I don’t know what to eat and I want to keep it ‘healthy’, whenever I get out of the office for lunch and have no clue what should I eat, (cause I no longer eat Mac Donalds or in any other fast food restaurant ever since I saw ‘Super Size Me’, that question is very hard to answer), I’m tired of eating pizza slices, I had too many pepperoni slices when I came to NY when I was broke, and other pizza toppings don’t excite me, so I end up going to subway.

So on top of that stress of being hungry and not knowing what to eat, now Subway restaurants don’t sell Cheetos, which I love so much, they were the perfect chips for me, since I don’t like doritos that much, and potato chips are boring…. so now I even think about going to Subway…

But today I found out that Quizno’s (another subs chain) has Cheetos, and a nice steak sandwich, which will be boring by the end of december. Of course there are good restaurants around, but I can’t afford $25 lunchs everyday, and I don’t have time to cook my own lunch, which would be the best deal, I’d have rice, steak and plantains everyday if it was for me, or if the latin restaurants that are close to the office didn’t have such bad and slow service.

Shit I don’t have a Quarter
I first experienced the pain of having to gather quarters when I first moved to NY. Back in Miami I had laundry right at home, Here I don’t know why, on all the places I live, there’s no god damn laundry room, and even if there was one, you’d have to use Quarters. For all those guys there that sell Bill recognition machines, you can make millions here in NY on the laundry rooms of everybuilding, it all works with quarters. So finally when I moved to my new (old) place, I found a laundry mat that takes this magnetic cards (which I have never been able to buy, cause the lady always takes cash and won’t sell me the cards), but since 4 months ago, I pay them to Wash & Fold, so I got the ‘Quarter Issue’ out of my life, I would be nice to my friends and get rid of the fucking quarters so they could do their laundry… but last month… last month… those god damn mini-buses, raised their fare from $1 to $1.25. Honestly I don’t care that it was a 25% raise (which is a fucking lot in percentages, but nobody complains cause it’s only $0.25), what I care about, is all the problems this shit brings. Not everybody has the damn quarter, which was the reason why I’d never take the Bigger busses, cause they only take exact fare, and they always have really weird fares, like 2.10, 2.35…

They should take exact numbers… So now, I have the stress of gathering the damn quarters, and not only twice a month for laundry, but freaking EVERY DAY. Maybe I’m crazy, but I hate to waste time to pay when I get off the bus, I hate when some asshole is waiting to get cash back from the driver, and we’re online, and about to loose the train when we’re almost late for work… I don’t like wasting time, mine or others.

This minibuses add great deal of stress to my life. Since I’m (Still but not for long you’ll see) a Jersey resident, I have to commute, and when I leave the gym, it’s very convenient to take one of those minibuses cause they drop me off right in front of the house, otherwise I’d come by train, and then wait for the same buses (but on the other direction). The problem is, those fuckers won’t work past 11pm. So you can imagine how this sucks… you would say… well, take the train and then a cab… oh but the cabs in Journal Square are something else, these guys make you “share” the cab, you have no choice unless you pay them double, they have their meter off, and it’s very scary when you share the cab with two scary looking dudes and the cab starts driving all over the city before dropping you off, and then you gotta pay full fare, which now is $6 or $7, (so you also want to have $5s and singles, if you pay with a $10 or $20 the damn cabbies will rip you off).

But not everything is bad, today after missing the last 11pm bus, and cursing Jersey City a 100 times, I thought of asking information in Port Authority where the hell I could take the big buses… thank god you can take them, so that will relief some of this commuting stress of having to come back before 11… but wait, the buses only run till 12:40am, but hey, it’s better than 11, at least I can watch a movie or something now, and still not have to see the faces of the damn cab drivers of Journal Square, don’t come live in this town, it SUCKS when it comes to transportation at night and during the weekends (I can’t complain about transportation from 7am – 8pm)

Keep PATH clean

They have this signs, Keep PATH clean. I don’t know how, there isn’t a single station with a freaking trash can in the whole path system.

Having to Remove my Headsets when someone calls
I have this new awesome headsets, they’re great, they go inside your ears and isolate all the noise, if you turn the music off, you can hear your own breathing. But there’s one problem, If someone calls you on the phone, you have to remove them.
So it doesn’t only suck that you have to interrupt your musical trance, but you’ll have to put them back on (which in some cases, involves getting them wet in water so they have a better vaccuum effect on your ear duct).

Apple, please, please!, make ipods work like cellphones, so you hit pause, then the center button and answer the call, the ipod can have a microphone (at least for people like me with the $100 headsets), or you could have headsets with microphone at he neck/chest level. I suppose this is a no brainer for apple, since there are already some iTunes enabled cellphones out there… but it should be the iPod, and not the other way around. If you can put 4gigs on a nano, just add a few more chips and antenna, and let us be.
I suppose you’ll have to sort out issues like which network to join, etc.

Well, I guess that’s enough of a release.
I’m amazed if you’re still reading this, it was one hell of a mindDump I did here, and yes, I’m probably crazy.

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