in Funny, Geeklife, Opinions, Random Stuff

How to get free press for your billion dollar corp using and branding kids all over the country

To pull this Marketing Stunt, you need to own a billion dollar corporation, publicly traded with a market cap of about USD $100 billion traded on the NASDAQ. Then you need to have yearly revenues of $21,795,550,000 or about $41,467 per hour.

Having all this money, there’s an ingenious evil marketing strategy you can implement that will make you look good, get your free press and it’s only going to cost about $150,000, which is the equivalent of let’s say 3.6 hours worth of your revenue, so think about it, in 3 and half hours from now you should have the budget for it.

If you have made up your mind 3.6 hours after reading this, here is what you need to do:

1) Start modifying the logo of your company on every holiday or special occasion.
2) Create and promote a competition in all schools across the country for kids to redesign an “out of the box” version of your logo, and offer $50,000 in prizes.

Open the competition to all U.S. residents between the ages of 5 and 18 who attend elementary and secondary schools (i.e. grades K-12) in the U.S. The National Winner will win a $15,000 college scholarship to be used at the school of their choice, a trip to your main Office, a laptop computer, and a t-shirt printed with their doodle. Also award the winner’s school a $25,000 technology grant towards the establishment/improvement of a computer lab. (This is where you’ll spend roughly $50k)

The Prizes will go as follow:

  • Each of the other 3 National Finalists will win a trip to your main Office, a laptop computer, and a t-shirt printed with their doodle.
  • Each of the other 36 Regional Winners will win a trip to your main Office and a t-shirt printed with their doodle.
  • Each of the other 360 State Finalists will receive an official winner’s certificate.
  • What your company gets in exchange:
    Free Press on all major media outlets TWICE, once when the competition is announced and once when the winner is announced. You know that if you wanted to get that amount of attention it would cost you millions of dollars in advertising. Nothing beats free press baby!

    Best of all, you will inspire millions of kids ages 5 to 18 to admire your company and your brand, you will imprint your logo in their brains permanently, they will redraw it over and over while thinking how to make your company better. They will even write essays about you.

    All the kids get to think they’ll make the best logo and win the first prize (poor bastards). This is the best time to create an image of trust in their minds when they think of your brand. In the future it will be hard for them to pick any other competing company over yours. In the end they will also be more than willing to work for you once they’re old enough.

    And remember… Don’t Look Evil!

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