There are 34 posts filed in Funny (this is page 1 of 4).
“3.3.1 — Books may only be written in the manner prescribed by Apple and must not use any other non Apple word processing software. Books must be originally written in Apple iWork or Apple TextEdit (e.g., Books written ORIGINALLY in Microsoft Word, Wordperfect, Notepad, or in Paper Type Writers will be rejected). Books may only be read using the iPad iBook reader”
[buzz href=”http://www.google.com/buzz/gubatron2/BQ6D8vPj6nD/funny-criticIPhoneSDKFascistClause” show_content=”0″ like=”13″]
Today, I took my kid to a pig farm near Mexico City, I think I let him get a little too close to the animals, FML
But more seriously, leave a comment if you think the whole Swine Flu is total BS to keep once again the world in fear and have them worry about stuff that doesn’t really matter.
Just check the price of oil today (dropping), and the prices of small pharmaceutical companies on the stock market (some doubling today)
World Domination BS… don’t fall for it.
Who benefits from Swine Flu
In the meantime, I see nothing but a pattern of destructive media against mexico, first it was the Drug lord wars, then Swine Flu, and more recently an Earth Quake (I totally believe the US must have weapons to produce earthquakes, it’s the perfect attack, you can blame it on mother nature)
To pull this Marketing Stunt, you need to own a billion dollar corporation, publicly traded with a market cap of about USD $100 billion traded on the NASDAQ. Then you need to have yearly revenues of $21,795,550,000 or about $41,467 per hour.
Having all this money, there’s an ingenious evil marketing strategy you can implement that will make you look good, get your free press and it’s only going to cost about $150,000, which is the equivalent of let’s say 3.6 hours worth of your revenue, so think about it, in 3 and half hours from now you should have the budget for it.
If you have made up your mind 3.6 hours after reading this, here is what you need to do:
1) Start modifying the logo of your company on every holiday or special occasion.
2) Create and promote a competition in all schools across the country for kids to redesign an “out of the box” version of your logo, and offer $50,000 in prizes.
Open the competition to all U.S. residents between the ages of 5 and 18 who attend elementary and secondary schools (i.e. grades K-12) in the U.S. The National Winner will win a $15,000 college scholarship to be used at the school of their choice, a trip to your main Office, a laptop computer, and a t-shirt printed with their doodle. Also award the winner’s school a $25,000 technology grant towards the establishment/improvement of a computer lab. (This is where you’ll spend roughly $50k)
The Prizes will go as follow:
What your company gets in exchange:
Free Press on all major media outlets TWICE, once when the competition is announced and once when the winner is announced. You know that if you wanted to get that amount of attention it would cost you millions of dollars in advertising. Nothing beats free press baby!
Best of all, you will inspire millions of kids ages 5 to 18 to admire your company and your brand, you will imprint your logo in their brains permanently, they will redraw it over and over while thinking how to make your company better. They will even write essays about you.
All the kids get to think they’ll make the best logo and win the first prize (poor bastards). This is the best time to create an image of trust in their minds when they think of your brand. In the future it will be hard for them to pick any other competing company over yours. In the end they will also be more than willing to work for you once they’re old enough.
And remember… Don’t Look Evil!
100 roads to #g-d:
001. Obtain the Internet.
002. Start using IRC.
003. Group and birth a site.
004. Experiment with research chemicals.
005. Design a three-step program.
006. Take a powerful stance for something positive and essential.
007. Regulate nothing.
008. Say that you have to move in two weeks, but stay for seven months. Come back a year later and do it all over again.
009. ROTFLOL.
010. Relax, you’re already halfway there.
011. Just kidding.
012. Don’t think outside the box.
Build a box.
013. Support support.
014. Organize and go to parties and fairs.
015. Start 30–40 blogs about the same things.
016. Drain the private sector of coders, graphic artists and literati.
017. Create a prize that is awarded.
018. Express yourself often in the media, vaguely.
019. Spread all rumors.
020. Seek out and try carding, and travel by expensive trains. Don’t order sushi.
021. Start a radio station.
022. Everything you use, you can copy and give an arbitrary name, whether it’s a news portal, search engine or public service.
023. Buy a bus.
024. Install a MegaHAL.
025. Make sure that you are really good friends with people who can use Photoshop, HTML, databases, and the like.
026. Read a shitload of philosophy.
027. Give yourself cult status, and act accordingly.
028. Never aim.
029. Pick on everyone.
030. Invent or misuse Kopimi.
031. Do things together as a composition, not as a collective.
032. Make your advertising confusingly similar to that of established ventures.
033. Always act with intent.
034. Assert, in any context, that the establishment is lagging.
035. When criticized, blame others and refer to the cluster formation’s non-linear time-creating swarm hierarchy.
036. Send everything to all media, regardless of niche.
037. Start an anonymous confession venture.
038. Make babies and blog their upbringing.
039. Be sure to closely study and keep abreast with substances.
040. Participate in lively Internet discussions that don’t interest you.
041. Start at least three to four IRC channels about every project.
042. Fight and make up often.
043. Share files with anyone who wants them.
044. Deal often with humor sites.
045. Hang out with the Left, the Right, and the Libertarians.
046. See “23” in everything.
047. Flirt with money.
048. Be AFK very little.
049. Threaten large American culture corporations.
050. Broadcast radio from Skäggetorp.
051. Make a “100 list” for successful projects.
052. Be unsure what the list should be named.
053. Take upon yourself a lot of projects.
054. Make sure to be connected to technical, aesthetical, and philosophical people of world class competence.
055. Sleep over at each others houses regularly.
056. Publish a book about Kopimi.
057. At a trial, deny everything.
058. Cultivate unfounded myths and react to them.
059. Hack sites, e-mail accounts, and more.
060. Continuously mock and ridicule all aspects of copyright.
061. Create an Internet site where people can buy and sell votes in democratic elections.
062. Claim to be true, fair and satisfied.
063. Collect money for fraux’s trip to Iceland.
064. Confidently claim that all disconnected computers are broken.
065. Do NOT go to Kurdistan.
066. Make sure to thoroughly establish the claim that all hardware is overpriced.
067. Affirm all words and signs.
068. Mindfuck each other to appropriate extent.
069. Take care of small animals.
070. Create and spiritualize the concept of “Snel hest.”
071. Start and own a think-tank.
072. Deny magnetism.
073. Start a business school. Drop out.
074. Write press releases often.
075. Use IRC while in your underwear, and eat pizza.
076. Juggle with other people’s balls.
077. Ensure that there is no conclusive evidence of Ikko giving monki advertising money by means of volada’s helicopter.
078. Cause inflation and a global financial crisis.
079. Express yourself vaguely if anyone asks you, “How much is a bandwidth?”
080. Use “dynamic” to mean “completely out of control”.
081. Never mention Hotmail, MSN, or Windows.
082. Have all project meetings on IRC.
083. Claim to receive around 1256 e-mails a day.
084. Force a prosecutor to draw up several thousand pages of drivel.
085. Above all abstract everything.
086. Have a liberal vision of hell.
087. Consider yourself overly qualified for top positions in American film and music industries.
088. Create the world’s largest file-sharing service in a twinkling.
089. Attract international attention by accident.
090. Control the portal and opinion makers in all mediums.
091. Standardize and explain your way of doing things at all levels.
092. Have 3576 anonymous confessions on your hard drive. Including the authors’ IP addresses and personal information.
093. Preserve the Internet.
094. Mention the Internet as a source in serious discussions.
095. Rarely mention reasons for your IT elitism.
096. Dismiss expressions like “from farm to table” as superstition.
097. Follow the yellow fellow.
098. Skip the last points of your 100 point list.
099. Establish social services as a parody of antisocial services.
100. Start from scratch.
100. Be careful of burning kittens.
100. Write a book, but start with the back cover.
100. Use parables in abundance, preferably about “butter” and “snow”.
100. Stop using IRL. Use AFK instead.
100. Cultivate contacts within the powers of state intelligence services.
100. Always define “flat organization” arbitrarily, subjectively, and without common sense.
100. Upload.
100. Take over #g-d.
100. PROFIT.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](https://i2.wp.com/img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?w=700)
Here’s my 2 cents for NewYorkShitty.com before 08 comes to an end…
Me and my family saw this (and laughed hard as I took out the camera without hesitation) on our way into the first G car on Court Sq. (headed towards Greenpoint of course) First thing that came to my mind. “This is so NewYorkShitty.com material”
If you find the image funny, wait until you read the post by Miss Heather, which made this very “Dear Reader” have a real LOL.
Please Digg Up Miss Heather’s Post
About NewYorkShitty.com
Taken from it’s About Page:
As you can probably deduce from the title of this blog, I live in Green Brownpoint, Brooklyn. During my one block trek to the Franklin Corner Store one April day (in 2006) to get a sandwich, I was astonished at the sheer quantity of dog shit I encountered.
Green Street is not the easiest sidewalk to negotiate: the sidewalks are uneven and pock-marked with holes. Dodging piles of dog shit every five feet does not make this task any easier, much less when carrying delicious Cuban sandwiches. It was during this adventure through Poopland that I had the following epiphany:
1. This is ridiculous.
2. I wonder if the people who see fit to use my block as a pissoir would like it if I took a shit in the middle of their living room? Probably not.
3. This is like walking through a fucking mine field, so maybe…
4. if Queen Noor (and Lady Diana before her) can lobby against the use of land mines, perhaps I can raise awareness about the plague of unattended dog shit in my neighborhood. Call me the Dog Shit Queen of Greenpoint New York Shitty. I’ve been called worse.
I just can’t help to share this with you all, a recap of the most viral videos of 2008.
The Beyonce “Put a ring on it” homages cracked me up.
This is one of the oldest self made t-shirts. I was constantly pissed at the amount of spam email I was receiving, and I thought some of the subjects were really eye catching for t-shirts.
For a few months I thought maybe I could make money on the creativity of spammers by mocking them with t-shirts, called, SpamTShirts, but nobody caught on my joke, and I desisted from the business idea.
If you can appreciate it, the icon/logo of the website is a Trash can, honoring junk mail.
I believe I made this t-shirt at cafepress.com
Best damn funny/controversial show I’ve seen. Seinfeld on steroids for what’s left of the decade.
From wikipedia:
The series deals with a variety of controversial topics, including abortion, gun control, physical disabilities, racism, sexism, religion, the Israeli/Palestinian situation, terrorism, transsexuality, slavery, incest, sexual harassment in education, the homeless, statutory rape, drug addiction, pedophilia, nuclear proliferation in North Korea, child abuse, mental illness, gay rights, bulimia, prostitution, nazism, necrophilia and cannibalism.
Stream provided by Hulu.
